Sunday, January 16, 2011

Winter Blues

I knew I had a serious problem with the last snow fall.  It wasn't the usual snow where I look out and proclaim, "I hate snow!" It wasn't deep. The wind wasn't blowing sub-arctic chill deep into my bones.  It was actually a light snow, the kind that makes you think of pretty, glittery snow globes.

I trudged in from walking Chester. Looked at the walks that needed shoveling and thought F### it.

I never think that.  I always shovel after walking the dog.  Getting the snow off the walks is very important to me.  But as I kicked the snow off my shoes and came in the house I didn't care if I ever shoveled another walk.  Nope.  Did not care at all.

It didn't stop there. Everything in life was wrong. Things I love became a struggle. Walking Chester was a chore to be endured. I contemplated putting pen to paper, but why bother. Taking a shower in the morning was total drudgery. The fetal position seemed imminent

Once I realized that something was wrong I looked back over the last couple weeks to find the trigger and I realized that I had overbooked my social calender. One social event can be enough to set me off, but I had a series of events that required me crawling out of my shell to attend.

After the epiphany my mantra became:  "If I can get through Saturday I will be okay." 
I repeated it enough and I guess I believed myself.

I woke up this morning and felt better than I had for a while. My brain was full of my story.  I was happy to walk the dog. I have yet to shower, but the prospect of taking one isn't weighing me down. There may be hope.

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