Friday, September 30, 2011

You go Grandma!!

There is a lot of road construction going on in Utah, lots and lots of construction.  My ramp to get on the freeway is one such spot. Now I didn't think that the cones were particularly confusing as to what was lane and what wasn't, but perhaps I was wrong.

Enter Grandma, imagine if you will the old lady from the Titanic movie. 
Wait a minute you don't have to imagine... I have google images...

Okay, imagine if you will a grandma with  a few more wrinkles and a jaunty straw hat perched atop her snow white hair, out for an early morning spin, or off to see the great grand kids, or coffee with the girls.  Running late she decides to take the freeway.   Slight problem, there is only one lane that leads to the freeway and she wasn't in it.  She had invented her own lane. The signs that specified SEVER DROP OFF had not deterred her.  She was getting on the freeway and that was that. 

Luckily there was a red light that the leader of the pack felt compelled to stop for, who knows why, it is okay to turn right on a red in Utah, but he stopped.  I'm waiving frantically at Grandma who seems oblivious to the potential danger just ahead of her.

"Grandma you're in a Ford Focus, it ain't no jeep.  Grandma look at me!!"
Well I'll be damned if Grandma hadn't figured it out all by her little lonesome, didn't need no mostly gray haired youngster telling her what to do.  The light turned green.  Grandma floored it, cranked the wheel, zipped in front of the leader of the pack narrowly missing his front bumper and bolted for the freeway.

Shock and awe.  I have no other words to describe it.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Stavo, darling, please mow the lawn...

I'm about to piss off the HOA.

I think I've mentioned the LOVE I have for the HOA. 

They are always finding something to bitch about.  Usually it is the lawn, or my idea of decorative accouterments aka morning glory.   One man's weed....

Last year when they couldn't B*&*ch about the lawn they picked on my windows.  FINE!!!
This year since they couldn't B*&*ch about the lawn they decided that the house numbers that have been missing from my house for 10 plus years need to be visible.  The curb is painted, the pizza dude finds us, what more do you want?  Hell, they obviously found us as I got a letter.  So WTF??  Stupid, stupid, grumble, fart, moan and grumble, grumble, grumble.

In the letter I received they sent me a paragraph from the HOA guidelines and no where in the paragraph did it mention the fact that house numbers have to be on the F$**king house.  Didn't even mention house numbers.  I'm not kidding. 

I thought of calling and b*&*ching a blue streak, but to what end.  The poor kid I'd get on the phone is just regurgitating what the HOA is telling them to say.  So I decided to deal with matters the way I do.

I am particularly fond of the gaudy blue tape I'm using to hold it up on the window.
What'cha think?

Monday, September 26, 2011

Only thing better than Autumn...

is Autumn and Pumpkin Pie.

It is a tale of two pigs. 
First separated from their mother and then from each other. 
Oh the sadness and heartache.

Squee, Squee, Squee
Translation:  My sister, what have you done with her?

The kids hearing the plight of their pig went back to the pet shop,
 and behold, the sister was still there.
There was much rejoicing and cavorting* about in their new little home.

Welcome to the family Pumpkin Pie.

*cavortingpresent participle of cav·ort (Verb)
 1. Jump or dance around excitedly:
"monkeys leap and cavort in the branches".
Not the other kind of cavorting, they are after all sisters.  Just say'n. I used the word and I thought. Then I pondered. Then I looked it up and was pleased to see that my definition of the word was number 1.  The other was on its heels, but at least mine was first up.  ahahaha

Saturday, September 24, 2011


Perhaps it was Kate’s blog that started me down this road.  I said that my goal was to get the kids to adulthood alive.  Goal Accomplished!  I meant it.  At one point my only goal in life was for my daughter to turn 18… I had my doubts.  But she made it.

I went outside for a little Vitamin D and heard the neighbor kid wailing.  As I listened I wondered what the neighbors used to hear coming from my home.  I could identify all the wails, defiance, angst, agitation, furious anger, capitulation, surrender.  It made me sad.

Life with my daughter was not easy.  She had demons.  She tried to release them by cutting.  She has keloid skin, dear gods she KNOWS this and yet this was her method to purge her from the hell that tormented her.

We did the counseling, some of it took, and some of it was bunk, some of it…. Eh.

It took thousands upon thousands of dollars and a stay in the psyc ward of the U’s Kid Clinique but we eventually got to the place where we talked.  As simple as that sounds, that is what we were lacking.  There for a time we were seeing someone three times a week.  Individual, group, specialist on and on it goes where it stops…. With talking. 

Once we actually started to talk, she realized that I had no clue she was cutting.  I realized what it was she needed from me and from that…. She made it to adulthood.

She’s alive and she’s  wonderful.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Winter's Coming, Autumn Awe and The Reluctant Desk

I always heard that you knew fall was REALLY here when the Praying Mantis' turned brown.  Well, this little fella was sitting on my car when I got out of work yesterday.  
FREAK!! Winter's coming!!
I googled it and it seems that they molt frequently and are this ghostly color while waiting for the new coat to arrive.  So perhaps it is just waiting for the brown autumn coloring or maybe Halloween. 

Speaking of Autumn... here's an Autumn Awe...  Cute little critter with one lop ear.

On Delia's Blog, she posted a photo of her desk and I thought that it would be a fun idea. 

This is my desk at work.  No that's not my notebook in the corner... no really, don't know how that got there at all... I would never, ever, ever work on something besides work at work.  ahahaha 

My boss is obsessive compulsive and can't handle clutter of any sort and so the desk is pretty bleak.  I should take a picture of his desk.  It is COVERED.  But it is covered in tidy little stacks that don't send him into a whirl wind of 'straighten it up'. 

I have got to be the bane of his existence.  I like things on the corner.  Diagonal works for me.  Things that are straight grate on my nerves.  I want chairs angled.  I want computer screens angled.  I want furniture angled.  In the beginning I'd angle things to make it pleasing to me and he'd go behind me setting things straight.  The pictures on the wall are forever giving him fits.  Even if they were straight with the concave, curves and what not, they won't ever LOOK  straight.  It is awesome.

And here is my writing desk.  It is a reluctant little fella that DID NOT want its picture taken.  Didn't matter the light, the time of day or night all the photos came out looking like this.  There was ONE photo that actually came out right, but it was blurry.  Don't know what its problem is... I dusted it.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

New Addition to the family

Autumn joined our family yesterday.  She's a guinea pig for those who don't know rodents.  She is very brave for a guinea pig and didn't mind sharing her carrot with Chester who was very interested in this newest squeak toy.

Friday, September 16, 2011

It was bound to happen.

My little girl is a woman.
Behold her first purse.

My baby done growed up.
Gone are the days of bulging pockets.
She decided that a purse might not be a bad thing. 
Just wait until she figures out just how much stuff you can lose in one of these things.

Update on my socialization experiment or
How to teach a cat to act  human and a human to stop behaving like a hissing cat.

I am pleased to announce that I am making strides in the socialization process of both my kitty's.  The homeless porch kitty and the one of the human persuasion.  
Cybil roller coasters but it beats the flat line that used to be her life, and my hell. 
I call this progress.

You still have to keep an eye on Fluffy to make sure he doesn't eat every one's food.  You can see that he is really trying to not be greedy about the whole thing. He bolts his food and then he waits his muscles quivering ready to pounce at the first sign one of the others might leave their bowl, but he waits... mostly.

He also lets me pet him now on a regular basis.  The other day he let me pet him for a very long time.  He'd have brief moments where he'd suddenly realize what was happening and for some reason he seems to think he shouldn't be petted. But then he'd do this 'what the hell' shrug and come running back for more loves. 

Of the two I'd say that Fluffy is progressing the best.  But the fact that they are both progressing gives me hope.  I guess they both just needed a little love.

A very satisfied Tiger.


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Busy Weekend

My busy weekend started on Friday night.  I am not a very social person and having to do social things can be very hard for me.

The three things that we had to do this weekend.

1. Doug had a meeting.  He's manning a booth at a street faire next weekend. 
We showed up and the meeting had been canceled.
I happily knocked that off my too do list.

2. Kenny Loggins was playing at the Sandy Amphitheatre and my son got Doug and I tickets.  It is a wonderful little spot that I've been to for plays.  Doug's daughter Patty played in the orchestra for a lot of these events.  So I was geared up for dealing with people, but I was NOT ready for the masses that descended.  We, by the gods own luck, found a parking place and as we're heading in I start to panic.  Too many people, wasn't ready, wasn't ready.  When the two women in front of us found out the concert was sold out I really wanted to just offer them our tickets and get the hell out of Dodge.    We got closer and closer to the gate of no return I was about ready to tell Doug to give 'em our tickets when they managed to score some.  Now I couldn't even flee the scene under the guise of being nice. 

All too soon the hand stamp and ticket gathering was over and we were inside.  Once in it wasn't too bad.  We had lawn seating and found a spot to spread our blanket. The concert was enjoyable and we booked out at just the perfect moment.  We were on the road as the last notes fell over the amphitheatre.  No crush of bodies, no stressing over millions of cars all jockeying for the same spot, just happily driving away.  I knocked over the second obstacle for the weekend.

I took this off the inter web.  There was not this much space twixt the bodies.
But it was about the same spot we were sitting.

The third and final thing, High School Reunion.
Doug had never been to one and wanted to go.  I caved and said I'd go.
It was everything I expected. 

I was glad when the evening came to an end.  I was exhausted.  I do a pretty good job of smiling and bluffing my way through these things.  I am pleased to announce that I didn't spill on myself.  I choose clothing specifically with that in mind because I am NOTORIOUS for such antics.

There really were only a few people that I would have liked to see.  One of them opted out and her reasoning was much the same as mine for why one should not attend these functions.  The other was there.  She's a wonderful woman, has been her entire life.  When last we met, fifteen years ago, she was a pastry chef in New York. Ten years ago she was also teaching culinary classes and the window of the kitchen looked out on the towers.  "Once the initial shock wore off," she said, "We realized we needed to do something.  Here we were with a kitchen full of food and people in need."  They cooked and took food down to the firemen and rescue workers.  She was able to get home that night, but in the morning she realized she couldn't just sit there.  She got up, went to work and did it all again. 

It was an awesome story and I'm glad that Doug asked her what it was like living in New York ten years ago.  She's a great woman.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Cat 1 Chester 0

If you're keeping score.

Out on our walk today we heard the oddest sound.  It was a mixture of siren, dog wail, screeching metal being twisted into contortions and wookie?

Chester and I stood facing the west with our heads cocked to the side pondering what in creation could make such a noise.  After it finally stopped Chester put his nose in the air, nostrils flaring for further information.  Nothing.

Giving up he turned to get back to business and some damn cat was sneaking up on us.  Chester JUMPED. All four paws off the ground, I kid you not.  He then tried to look dignified as if he meant to do that, but I know better.  Laughing, I announced "Cat 1  Chester 0".  It was two thirty in the morning, wonder what subliminal message I put into neighbors heads as they were dreaming.

No clue as to what the sound was or why the cat was sneaking up on us.  A dare from the other kitties? Perhaps it was mesmerized by the sound.  Maybe it was the need for the comfort of anothers presence because it sounded like the jaws of hell were trying to open.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Perfect car for Utah driving.

One of my neighbor's has a Mazda. 
The front view looks like a happy little smile.

It seems that this would be the perfect car for Utah driving.

A Utahan driving down the road sees the smiling little face in the rear view mirror and notices the car moving into the passing lane.  They immediately hit the accelerator limiting the amount of useable space between the cars in an attempt to put smiling car in its place.  How dare it try to get in front of me.  The smiling car has to then wedge himself between the two cars and the face the Utahan sees is this:

The once smiling car is less than pleased.  Bad Utahan.  Bad, Bad.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Winter's Coming

Perhaps I was a Stark/Snow in another life. 
But it was my saying long before I ever read Game of Thrones, and Ned Stark's dire prediction and Family Motto of "Winter's Coming."

I have two seasons:  Winter and Winter's Coming.   Not that I don't enjoy spring, summer and fall but...

On the Summer Solstice I proclaim: "It's all down hill from here."  

Walking Chester this weekend Orion stood proudly in the sky.
"Oh gods and demons... Fall is really here if he's up there," I groan.
Winter's coming and not a thing to be done for it.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Saturday's Voyeur and Reboot Diet

Saturday's Voyeur

And a good time was had by all.

Doug and I have a tradition of seeing this production every year.  They look at the past year of life in Utah and Utah politics and make fun of EVERYONE. It's a no holds production that points out the hypocrisy that abounds.

It is the only show where it is allowable to bring in food and drink.  And drink they do. Gazing around the theatre you see wine bottles, flasks, plastic cups, some people even bring their wine glasses. The last two times we've gone they passed out lime jello shots.

The name is poking fun at a theatre production that was called Saturday's Warrior.  A show produced by the predominant religion, touting the predominant religion's values.

Saturday's Voyeur uncovers what the practitioners of the predominant religion don't want seen behind their personal Zion Curtain.
"If you can't see it, it does not exist." ~ Toddler 101

Reboot Diet

The kids have started a diet.  It seems a bit extreme and would I could say I could do it with them, but I can't.  I know what works for me and though the process may be slower, any time I've tried the 'Get me there in a hurry' route.  The pounds always come back and bring a few friends.

They are going on a juice fast.

On the documentary the dude did it for 60 days.  Lost 90 pounds.  Nothing but fruits and veggies juiced.  The kids are coming up with all kinds of DELICIOUS tasting drinks.  They let me sample.

I should probably worry for their health, but they are young and the amount of veggies and fruits these kids eat borders on ZERO.  If nothing else, their bodies will appreciate the blast of nutrients.  They are shooting for 30 days and then reevaluating.

Their breakfast shake is better than the 'green thing' shake.
Stavo is a cook and so mixing, matching and juicing different fruits and veggies is helping to keep his mind busy and not on, smoking ribs, grilling steaks etc.  Farmer's Markets are in full swing around here and there are lots of fun veggies for them to try.

Thursday, September 1, 2011


Took the G-kids to dinner. 
Lane - third grade
Eve - first grade
James - very proud, backpack wearing soon to be pre-school.

Doug is of the opinion that eating out should not be something you could cook at home.  We've tried and enjoyed all sorts of fun dishes.  He wanted the kids to have the same experience and we took them to an Indian restaurant. We ordered two entrees and some appetizers for everyone to share. With the two entrees came two little balls for desert, not sure what they are called, but they are delicious.

Eve perused the desert situation, looks thoughtful and proclaims, "We will each get to have 2/5ths of the desert.

Impressive.  But that's not what impressed me the most.  We've already ascertained that all Hendrick's have more IQ points than legally allowed.

James leaned forward and said, "Does that mean we each get two pieces?"

Yes!! **snoopy dances**  **Rocky punches**
Finally a G-kid on my IQ level!!  Of course pre-school starts next week and so it will be all down hill from there... but for one brief shiny moment I could relate to a G-Kid.