My life has been such turmoil lately that there just didn't seem like there was anything to say and I'm not talking Thumper wisdom...
There was just nothing -- nothing at all. I could have complained about Cybil and how she was turning everyone's lives into a waking nightmare. Could have been entertaining, but I was living it. The thought of writing about it was just too much. "Make it stop mommy, the bad lady frightens me"
I had an epiphany yesterday and from that came a sense of calm. I’d been working on trying to find the calm place but to no avail. When a churning mass of doggy do is swirling around you sometimes it is hard to find the center.
As I tip-toed on the egg shells waiting for the next outburst, the next accusation, it dawned on me that I had done nothing wrong, why am I skulking about? I really don’t care what others think or say about me when they are false accusations.
It was then I said, “Thank you Honey.” I had a grandmother who for whatever reason did not like me. I learned to shrug it off. I had done nothing to earn her disapproval, it just existed. That’s her problem not mine.
I always wondered why Honey was in my life. I thought it was so that one day she would marry my Grandpa John, a wonderful man. But now I think it was for just this occasion. I have the ability to say, “No, I wasn’t wrong. You can say anything about me you want—it doesn’t matter. Those that know me will have my back and those are the only people I really care about.
To Cybil: I've discovered there is joy in just letting the shit storm wash over you. I can always shower, but you will have to go through life knowing what a truly horrible person you are to be so destructive.
To Honey: Whatever I did to you in another life… I’d say I’m sorry but hell I’d do it again if it would get me to this point in this one. Thank you.