I have to get back in the habit...

My life has been such turmoil lately that there just didn't seem like there was anything to say and I'm not talking Thumper wisdom...



There was just nothing -- nothing at all.  I could have complained about Cybil and how she was turning everyone's lives into a waking nightmare.  Could have been entertaining, but I was living it. The thought of writing about it was just too much.  "Make it stop mommy, the bad lady frightens me"

I had an epiphany yesterday and from that came a sense of calm. I’d been working on trying to find the calm place but to no avail. When a churning mass of doggy do is swirling around you sometimes it is hard to find the center.


As I tip-toed on the egg shells waiting for the next outburst, the next accusation, it dawned on me that I had done nothing wrong, why am I skulking about? I really don’t care what others think or say about me when they are false accusations.

It was then I said, “Thank you Honey.” I had a grandmother who for whatever reason did not like me. I learned to shrug it off. I had done nothing to earn her disapproval, it just existed. That’s her problem not mine.

I always wondered why Honey was in my life. I thought it was so that one day she would marry my Grandpa John, a wonderful man. But now I think it was for just this occasion. I have the ability to say, “No, I wasn’t wrong. You can say anything about me you want—it doesn’t matter. Those that know me will have my back and those are the only people I really care about.

To Cybil: I've discovered there is joy in just letting the shit storm wash over you. I can always shower, but you will have to go through life knowing what a truly horrible person you are to be so destructive.

To Honey: Whatever I did to you in another life… I’d say I’m sorry but hell I’d do it again if it would get me to this point in this one. Thank you.