Perhaps it was Kate’s blog that started me down this road. I said that my goal was to get the kids to adulthood alive. Goal Accomplished! I meant it. At one point my only goal in life was for my daughter to turn 18… I had my doubts. But she made it.
I went outside for a little Vitamin D and heard the neighbor kid wailing. As I listened I wondered what the neighbors used to hear coming from my home. I could identify all the wails, defiance, angst, agitation, furious anger, capitulation, surrender. It made me sad.
Life with my daughter was not easy. She had demons. She tried to release them by cutting. She has keloid skin, dear gods she KNOWS this and yet this was her method to purge her from the hell that tormented her.
We did the counseling, some of it took, and some of it was bunk, some of it…. Eh.
It took thousands upon thousands of dollars and a stay in the psyc ward of the U’s Kid Clinique but we eventually got to the place where we talked. As simple as that sounds, that is what we were lacking. There for a time we were seeing someone three times a week. Individual, group, specialist on and on it goes where it stops…. With talking.
Once we actually started to talk, she realized that I had no clue she was cutting. I realized what it was she needed from me and from that…. She made it to adulthood.
She’s alive and she’s wonderful.