Thursday, August 9, 2012

Stinky Cat Food!!!

Julie tells me I need to grieve.

I want to say, "like Fried Mush" yeah!!

That is such a "Duh", that it should not need to be said and yet....
Even I forgetTHAT I am allowed to be sad. 
Stinky cat food sad. 
Chicken legs and fried mush kind of sad.
"How are you?"
"Well, I totally suck, sad."

At the store when the helpful employee ask me how I was doing I really wanted to say, "Stinky cat food and you?" 

I didn't as he was truly trying to be helpful and not just doing his job.

I am just mean these days.

I am sad and angry and nothing is right.
This isn't a boo hoo me or a suck it up you wha baby moment.
This just is.

Julie says that it is like waves crashing on the shore. You can almost hear them.
The fucking waves are trying to wash me out to sea.
Stupid Riptide!!!

I think I have it together, then I don't. 

Sea creatures skitter to avoid the crash of the wave and I seem to be facing it straight on dareing it to, to, to what?

I lost my freaking bookend.
Then I lost my niece and my uncle.  Scotty's wife can't be far behind.


  1. Stinky Cat Food, indeed.
    I always remember this woman I knew years ago and have since lost touch with, Sonya. When Sonya had excessive energy she needed to get it, she stomped cans. Recycle cans, I mean.
    She would dump them out on the ground and jump up and down on them until they were annihilated and she felt better.
    If you could do it while shouting Stinky Cat Food at the same time, even better.

  2. I wandered the house for hours and then days, when Karen first died, am still doing it. I don't know what the answer is except to ride those waves. And yeah, yell STINKY CAT FOOD !!! A. Lot.

    J3, stomping is a great suggestion. I've also gone out on my bike a bunch too.

    (I'm right there with you in your grief. I promise.)

  3. It's been ten years for my Mom and seven for my Dad and who knows how many for my Grandparents and the ocean is fairly still now but every once in a while one of those waves will wash in carrying a name with it and here we go again. Coping strategies???? I just find a quiet spot and lose myself in memories for a while until things start to lighten up. It does ease off...honest it does.....

  4. Ohh... healing vibes for your s.c.f. :-(